Sometimes a foolish thought crossed my mind.
If I were given a chance to make a stupid wish and be granted,
I wish I could exchange my heart.
I want a more solid one, a resilient one.
This one I have is too fragile, too easily broken.
And it caused too much pain once it cracked.
Being too sensitive sometimes can just be too unnerving
When this world is full with ignorant and insensitive people.
I need a stronger heart because I need to be a stronger person.
I don’t have time for this nonsense.
For self-critisizing myself whenever I feel I couldn’t please someone.
Or that I deeply feel that my existence is just being ignored.
I should just stop trying to fit in altogether
And just be an individual.
That’s why I need a more solid heart, a thougher one
So I couldn’t care less whenever someone throw an insentive remarks…again and again *why don’t you just pick a knife and stab my heart wont ya*
I could just brush it off over my shoulder and just say “yeah right… go eat sh*t” *not outloud though*
As easy as that.
I need to replace my heart because I want to feel more powerful.
I should rise above them.
Pitying them for they must feel insecure of themselves.
But instead I usually end-up self-pondering how come someone can be as rude and insensitive as that…
Disregarding other people feelings with a snap of a finger.
I guess some people just tend to see everyone else as their competitors.
They need to look the smartest with their “clever” yet filled with egosentric and prejudice comments.
Stupid me for letting myself being carried away by their silly imaginary race.
That’s why I need a stronger heart… I need to exchange it.
But then, when I think of all the wondrous things I felt for just the simplest things,
When I see my loved ones and instantly my heart burst with this tremendous joy and thankfulness,
Playing with my child for hours on end can caused me so much joy,
And feeling genuinely happy with other peoples achievement,
A concern troubled me,
Im afraid that I may not be able to feel the same again with my new heart.
And when people often come to me to disclose their feelings
Its because of my heart
Because of my sensitivity
Because I always listen and I respect others
And always manage to put myself on other peoples shoes.
Whenever I think of all those things my poor old heart had offered me through the years
I guess I just have to make do with this one.
And be thankful.
*writing about this can be a good heart therapy too…:P*